Life Earthquakes

Life Earthquakes- thing(s) that happen that we don't understand and that are hard to deal with.  Things that make us question God and His plan, His sovereignty, His prescence in our lives...  Things that make us examine our lives and our hearts.  Things that make us unable to pray and at the same time pray with all our might for those we love.  Things that hurt and break us and reveal our fragilities and draw us closer to the Goodness of our Perfect Loving Savior Father. 

One of these Life Earthquakes happened last week in our Church.  One of our pastors resigned because of "inappropriate personal behavior."  We know it is not illegal, it does not have any thing to do with youth, children or finances.  For his sake and the sake of his family, the Elders are not revealing any more details and they are asking that no one seek out more details.  That's okay.  For me, the details are not the hard part.  The hard part is the hurt I see in his eyes, on his face, in his entire body.  He is a man who always stands up straight and looks you in the eyes and laughs.  He did none of those things when the staff was told.  And then I ran into him this week and he did none of those things.  He is a hurting, broken man.  His life experienced an earthquake--a huge one.

I was thinking about earthquakes.  I see pictures in my head from major earthquakes in California.  Houses are almost falling off hillsides, there are cracks in the ground where there should not be, bridges fall, they are ugly and horrible.  But I think there are 3 good things about them.  They move things to places that they would not have moved otherwise, they display God's awesome power (in the destruction and the rebuilding), and you get a chance to rebuild. 

This is not easy!  I have moments where I am trusting God and believe in His sovereignty and His grace and His love for me, our staff, this man and his family.  Then I have moments where I break down and cry uncontrolloby, my heart hurts--for me, for our staff, for his family, for him.  I know God is good.  I believe that "all things work together for good for those who love Him."  I believe that God's grace and strength and grace is perfected in our weakness (2Cor 12:9).  I believe that we have been saved not of ourselves.  I believe that we all have fallen short.  But in the moments that my heart hurts, my limited understanding begins to take over.  Why God?  Why him?  Why now?  Can you redeem this for you glory?  Really? 

I know He can.  I believe in His power and His love and His goodness.

But it hurts...and I suppose that is okay.

Pray for this man.  He is a good man.  A man I love and respect.  A man who has a terrific family, an awesome ministry, a great heart.  A good man. 

This is yucky.