Perfection

One of the things I have been learning lately is that perfection is one of my idols.  I guess idol is the right word. 

When I was little, my nickname, given to me by several friends and their mothers' was, Little Miss Perfect.  And I latched onto that.  I wanted them to think I was perfect...especially their moms.  And I have been attached to that since then.  It is not healthy.  It is not realistic.  I know I am not perfect.  I know I will never reach perfection.  I know that people know I am not perfect.  But the more perfect I seem, the better I think it is for me.

This idea of seeming perfect has contributed to a lot of hurt; to a lot of arguments in my marriage.  A lot of negative actions and reactions on my part stem from this idea that I should/could be perfect.

In our staff devotional time today, we had to talk about the things that become idols that can be triggers to anger in each of our lives.  I didn't say I wanted people to think I was perfect.  In fact, I changed the subject.  But a good friend and pastor sitting next to me said, "So you think you're perfect?  That is what you struggle with."  While looking at the table, I said, "Yes."  The other woman at my table quickly said to the man, "You were joking though right?"  "No, I was being totally serious."  I recognized her trying to protect me and I very much appreciated that.  I looked up slightly and said. "He is right."

Thankfully God has been working on my heart in this matter for awhile.  So even though I didn't want to say it, I was able to and it didn't kill me. 

At the end of our time together, the woman gave me a hug and said, "I hope you have a good day being imperfect."  It was one of the most loving things she could have said to me.