I Have Been Given Grace

So the last 6 weeks or so I have been dealing with some severe anger toward someone. He is not someone I particularly like. Actually, for the last 6 weeks or so, I would rather flip him off when I see him than even smile cordially.

About two weeks ago, I was talking to my mom about how much I dislike this person and how angry I am at him. Mom just said, "Brit, it sounds like he needs love. We need to pray for him." And I snottily replied, "Well Mom, you pray for him. I'm not there yet." And in my head I said, 'I hope I don't ever get there. I don't really want to pray for him.' Mom very matter of factly said, "I will." But she said it in that tone that really says, 'I will be praying for him. I am going to be praying for your heart toward him too.' I know this, because that is how she is, and becuase I know she was right...he does need love and I do need to be praying for him.

I don't think I have ever been here before. I don't think I have ever had to live out the verse, "love your enemy." I've never been this angry toward someone.

Ever since that conversation with my mom 3 weeks ago, he has been on my mind and the word "forgive" comes with thoughts of him. So.......... I have yet to pray for him. I am still praying that God will keep working on me. Softening my heart toward him. Helping me let go of my anger toward him. Sometimes I really don't want God to work on me. Just in the last few weeks I thought I would rather just stay gloomy and angry. But He is working on me. And what He has done so far is show my heart sunshine. He has reminded me that I have recieved WAY more grace and WAY more forgiveness that I could ever deserve. Who am I to decide to not show grace and forgiveness to this other person? I have absolutely no place to decide that. I know now how much lighter my life can be if I just get past all this.

Forgiving someone for hurting you and forgiving them for hurting people you love is not easy. I am working on it. And I so thankful that God does give us grace. And that He has forgiven us completely for today, yesterday and tomorrow. And that He doesn't give up on us even when are snots!