Driving Lessons

I got stuck in the snow this weekend...well my car got stuck. I have never been stuck before... Wait, I take that back. I did slide off the road once when it was icy and the guy in front of me stopped and we were going uphill, and it was either slide off, or slide into the person behind me. Thankfully, I slid off and then a nice man came and pulled me back onto the road. But by my doing, I have never been stuck. And I would like to say, that this weekend was not my fault either. It was the cars' fault...I'm serious. Our new car, which is such a blessing and very nice, is too smart for my own good. It has this driver assist/auto-correct thing. So when you over-correct, it fixes it for you. When we bought the car, we thought that would be a really neat feature. Well, it also corrects when your tires slide, slip, or when you try to turn out of a slide. I can drive in the snow. I can drive in the ice. Probably most kids from the mountains can. I know several kids (myself included) whose dad took them to a vacant parking lot when it was icy and made them slide around and pull themselves out of it. Its called practice for winter mountain driving. You can probably tell that when I got stuck, I was frustrated. Very frustrated!! But after thinking on it and having God reveal some things to me, the getting stuck part was not the issue.

The issue for me was the control. I couldn't control what the car did and even though it thought it was doing right, it wasn't, and there wasn't anything I could do about it. I tried 3 times to get past the area I was stuck, and every time I made it worse. I refused to give up because I knew I could do it. The hard truth was that I couldn't. I could not make the car do what I wanted it to do, no matter how hard I tried. I was not frustrated that I had to park on the side of the road. I was not frustrated that I had to walk. I was frustrated, to the point of anger, that I was not in control. I even cried (and cussed) I was so angry. Which sent up a red flag and made me think that I should think about my control issues. Instead, I stayed frustrated and blamed it on the car.

My whole weekend was littered with situations where I was out-of-control and angry. By Monday, I could not blame things, or people, or situations, I had to look at the reality. I have some control issues...still. There are things I have given to God and I have no problem letting Him be in control of those things. I can rest in peace and I am completely comfortable with His timing, with His purpose, with His direction on those things. But there is only a handful of those things. Why can't I give Him control of my whole life? Of each day, and each hour? Why can't I give Him complete control of the unknown and the unpredictable, and me?

When I get angry, or crabby at Stony, or irritated with something or someone, it is almost always because it is beyond my control. If I am honest though, I am scared to give Him total control of my life. I'm scared because of what might happen. That is just plain silly!! Over and over He has proved Himself faithful, gentle, with a better way, and with more blessings. Yet, I still have this idea, that He can control certain things and I will try to remain in control of the rest.

I am kinda like our car--trying to auto-correct His driving. I guess I should let the car be the car and the driver be the driver. When the car tries to be the driver, we slide off the road and get stuck. Whew...I'm gonna need some more life driving lessons.