Runaway Train

The first weekend of this new year, I sat in church and had an epiphany.  I was talking to God and he gave me a picture of my life as it has been.  I saw a train that was speeding out of control and I was clinging to the top for dear life.  My family was inside.  I couldn't get inside to be with them, but I could tell that clinging to the top of the train was what I had to settle for because of the speed and instability of the train. 

As I watched this picture, I thought, "I don't want that to be my life!  I want to be inside the train WITH my family."  So I miraculously and carefully made my way to the engine in order to tell the engineer to slow it down and be more mindful of the tracks.  When I got into the engine, the engineer was drunk and half asleep.  He had no idea what was happening with the train...and he didn't really care.  I realized that this was a picture of all the things/people that I have let control my life and my family.  And I was mad.  I let these things drive my life.  At that moment, I was done.  I couldn't throw the engineer off the train, but I could take over.  But I quickly realized, I don't want to take over, I want God to take over so that I can still be with my family. 

So for this year, at least the beginning, I am adapting this motto (as worded by Steven), "Punch in that face."  I am weighing things, and giving things to God, and sometimes punching things in the face that are climbing their way into the engine, but have no business being there.  I am so grateful for this picture.  I have a renewed sense of being and purpose.  I have more energy.  I'm happier.  And I like my family more.  I'm not carrying as much anger or resentment.  And I am letting things go. 

Thank you, Father for this picture and the work you are doing in my life so that I can be the Mom and Wife you have purposed for me to be.  Thank you, God for the freedom and joy that comes with letting you be the engineer!!