Bigger Than Me

I have been struggling with the journey of Deacon and his "parents" basically since it started...even before he lived with us.  I think back to 6 years ago when Deacon was just a baby.  Stony and I called Social Services on Jenny and Jon and it was ugly!  When the whole thing was over and nothing on our agenda had been accomplished (IE: getting the kids out of the house with those 2) we were angry!  We were angry at the people involved, we were angry at Jenny and Jon, we were angry at the system.  My mom told me that it sounded like Jon needed prayer and that I should be praying for him.  I told her, "I'm not praying for him!  If you think he needs it, then you pray for him."  I was very snotty and all my reactions were angry.

Now 6 years later, I am learning how right my mom was.  He does need prayer.  Jenny needs prayer.  David needs prayer.  They all and their significant others need prayer.  They all need to know the love of Jesus Christ.  I will be honest, I don't really want to be the one to show them His love.  I don't really want to be the one to pray for them.  I have a hard enough time seeing them for a couple hours every week or so.  (Ugh, actually, I can hardly stand it.)

I also realize that if any of them are going to be involved in Deacon's life long term, that the best thing I can do for Deacon is pray for these people who are going to be inputting and influencing his life. 

Several months ago, when I was telling God how much I didn't want to do all this, He gently and quietly reminded me that this is not about me.  "This is bigger than you, Britany."  God is doing something in the lives of these people and in Deacon's life and in my life and Stony's.  He is doing a work that is bigger than just one of us.  He has something wonderful planned...and there are days that I don't want to be a part of it.  And then there are days that I think, how awesome, I do want to be a part of what He is doing.  And then 2 days later I think...ugh, why do I have to be a part of their lives and the plan God has for them.  God can't you use someone else?  I don't really have a clear picture of what my involvement is supposed to look like.  Maybe it is just being loving toward them all.  Maybe it is being authentic.  Maybe it is praying.  I'm not sure.  The only thing I know for sure is that God has a plan that is bigger than me.  As hard as that is, it is also wonderful. 

Thank you, God for having a plan that is bigger than me!