Tired Of It All

I'm tired of being tired.  I'm tired of being so focused on our situation and all that is going on that we don't "have the time" or money or energy for other people...especially other people in need.  I'm tired of the drama from other people's lives.  Drama that Stony and I intentionally avoided.  We didn't want kids with other people, we didn't want exes.  When we were dating, and started talking about getting married, we both agreed.  When we get married, this is it.  Divorce is not an option.  But if for some reason it turned into one...we were not marrying again.  We didn't want to deal with exes.  If we had kids, we didn't want them to have to deal with split families, different parenting, step siblings, etc.  And Now.......even though we have stayed faithful to each other, it seems like this is the exact life we are living.  Sigh.

I'm being stretched to love people that I would rather throw things at than spend time with.  But not only do I have to spend time with them, I have to be positive about their involvement in Deacon's life.  I can't speak about how I really feel about them...except to my husband.  I don't know where the line is in speaking the truth in love and just speaking the truth.

I'm annoyed that Deacon's little heart is in a conundrum.

I'm annoyed that I have to bite my tongue until the time is right.

I'm being stretched to love and pray for these people that I don't really want to  love and pray for.  But because I love Deacon and I want the best for him, I have to pray for them.